+49 (0)179 2917916 stelling@akzeptanz.net

Ein update für die GFK!? Was bringt solch ein update, was für bugs (Programmierfehler) werden behoben auf dem Weg der “Systemumstellung” bzw. worin liegt die “Bahnänderung” von GFK 1.0 zu GFK 2.0?

  • Die GFK wird weniger künstlich gesprochen, wir bleiben auch mit GFK authentisch und bodenständig. In GFK 2.0 reden wir nicht mehr von “echt statt nett”, sondern wagen es.
  • Die Gewaltfreie Kommunikation wird als eine alltägliche Praxis zur Persönlichkeitsentwicklung und weniger als Kommunikationstechnik verstanden und verbreitet. GFK in 2.0 integrieren bedeutet volle Eigenverantwortung für unser Denken, Fühlen und Handeln zu übernehmen; unsere Aufmerksamkeit verlagert sich von “gewaltfrei reden” auf verantwortlich leben.
  • Missverständnisse, Fallen und blinde Flecken in der GFK (-Szene) rund um die Themen Bewerten, Gleichheit und Macht werden beleuchtet und überwunden. Diese haben beträchtliche Auswirkungen auf alle Beziehungen, insbesondere aber zu Autoritäten, und beeinflussen auch strukturell die Gestaltung von Hierarchien, Gemeinschaften und Organisationen.
  • Es wird – mit und in der GFK – die wesentliche Bedeutung von Bewertungen (lebensdienlich) und Unterschieden (z.B. in Kompetenzen) anerkannt.
  • Wir vertiefen unsere Erfahrungen mit Kooperationen und transparenten Machtstrukturen (“Macht mit” statt “Macht über”), in denen diejenigen mit Verantwortung anderen dienen.
  • Wir bilden Wachstumshierarchien aus, wo jede/r einen natürlichen Platz finden kann und Gewalt abnimmt: „Herrschaftshierarchien bewirken Unterdrückung, Wachstumshierarchien beenden diese.“ (Ken Wilber, “Integrale Vision”)
  • Wir setzen uns ein für entsprechend gesunde Gemeinschaften und Organisationen, in denen Menschen frei, verbunden und kreativ ihren Betrag leisten.
  • Die Lern- und Entwicklungsstufen der Gewaltfreien Kommunikation werden klarer herausgearbeitet. Wir sind insbesondere auch sensibel für Prä-/Post-Verwechslungen, sehen z.B. bei Kindern, dass sie in Bezug auf ihre moralische Entwicklung prä-konventionell und nicht post-konventionell sind, obwohl sich auf der Oberfläche beides im nicht-konventionellen ähnelt.
  • Die GFK-Welt informiert und vernetzt sich dazu stärker mit anderen Bewegungen und Ideen (wie z.B. Integrale Theorie/Ken Wilber, Theorie U/Otto Scharmer, Transparente Kommunikation/Thomas Hübl), die auch an Kommunikation und sozialem Wandel interessiert sind.

Anmerkung: zuerst veröffentlicht gemeinsam mit Alexandra Boos und Markus Sikor auf www.nvc-trainer-akademie.com, 30.6.2012

Etwas später haben wir auf der CNVC-Trainerliste am 5. Juli 2012 folgende Zeilen geschrieben:

We believe that an initiative to propose an update from NVC 1.0 to 2.0 can make a difference in the NVC community. It’s all about a shift in the way we personally or in our communities actually understand and live NVC. We believe that the radical vision of Nonviolent Communication (and Marshall) could gain momentum when we shift more attention towards some critical issues.

We hope our thoughts onNVC 2.0 stimulate discussions and also put the following limitations more centre stage:
1) Non-judgementalism
2) Egalitarian values
3) Politically correct newspeak

Non-judgementalism as new niceness

Within the last year our experiences in the German speaking NVC community and our exchange with CNVC members let us reflect more upon the controversial topic of judgements. We learned a lot about the culture that our NVCcommunity has in this respect and the consequences following from this.
We encountered many people who wanted “not to judge anymore”. But such non-judgementalism is either characterized by kindness (in the sense of being strong, loving and caring) or by niceness (in the sense of being wishy-washy and uncertain). We encountered more of the latter: people who did not want to offend others, did not speak their truth and better did not address critical points – and didn’t want to be judged themselves. At the same time some of them react suddenly very offended and judgemental the moment someone deviates from the dominant culture of niceness (as we did), is confronting people and offers critical feedback.
Thus it is our impression that within theNVC community a new niceness creeps in through the backdoor by this kind of non-judgementalism. And such a refraining from judgements has incredibly far-reaching consequences on how a community understands and deals with power, authorities, responsibility, hierarchies, and organisations. All of these need clear judgements (based on values and needs of course) to function in effective ways in order to support the vision of NVC.

Egalitarian values holding sway

We consider the NVC community as having tragically fallen short of realising its full potential so far. We do not see the substantial change happening which NVC promises – and we guess there are cultural and systemic reasons for this to be found. When we e.g. take the map of spiral dynamics to inform us, we see egalitarian values of the “green meme” holding sway within the NVC community that limit NVC’s social impact at this given moment considerably. In this state of development people oppose any hierarchies, they are relativistic and in favour of non-judgementalism.

NVC as politically correct newspeak

Furthermore it is our impression that within NVC circles a kind of newspeak has developed. In his “1984″ Orwell used this word to describe new rules of speech which got introduced in order to control and manipulate people’s thinking. Sometimes we also encounter new rules of speech in NVC circles as well. Of course people create and stick to these rules with totally different intentions, e.g. in the name of “connection” and the vision of NVC.
In some communities NVC has become some new language of political correctness where I have to avoid words like “right” and “wrong”, and “good” and “bad” should be better eliminated from my vocabulary altogether (if I want to belong to the community). But in our understanding NVC  is not about words and these cannot be judged as being nonviolent or not. I might even call something “wrong” or “bad” (especially when talking to someone I assume to have “giraffe ears”) as my vivid expression of a value judgement based on observations and needs (which I am prepared to deliver when asked for).

Now we hope you can – beyond initial judgements you might possibly have had about calling our contribution “NVC 2.0″ – connect to our needs underlying our strategy in doing so while reading this post.

Nonviolent Communication 2.0

What then is this update all about? Which “bugs” could be fixed by this “system change”, what is changing when the NVC  community is migrating from NVC1.0 to 2.0?

1. In NVC 2.0 we dare to walk our talk of being “not nice but real”.

2. NVC is understood and taught as a model for self-reflection, as an everyday practice for personal development, and not as a communication method. Integrating NVC 2.0 means taking full personal responsibility for our thoughts, feelings and actions by shifting our attention from “speaking NVC” to living responsibly.

3. The essential importance of (life enriching) judgements and differences (e.g. in skills, knowledge, potential) are acknowledged and we strengthen a culture of more transparent communication, responsibility, accountability and honest feedback.

4. Misunderstandings, pitfalls and blind spots on the topics of judgements, equality and power are illuminated and transformed. We become sensitive for the significant impact this has on all our relationships, especially towards authorities, and also on the structures and the spirit of hierarchies, communities and organizations.

5. We develop more positive examples of cooperation and transparent structures of power, in which those with responsibility serve others and “power with” becomes reality.

6. We trust and build growth hierarchies (within NVC communities and beyond) instead of opposing hierarchies, so everybody can fall into his/her place. Consequently violence in communities and organization will decrease. Because: “Dominator hierarchies lead to suppression, growth hierarchies put an end to it.” Ken Wilber wrote in “Integral Vision” (translated from German).

7. We are moving towards a new WE and build healthy communities and organizations in which people love to contribute autonomously, connected and creatively.

8. The learning process and developmental stages of Nonviolent Communication become clearer through research. We stay particularly sensitive to pre-/post-fallicies, we e.g. do not idealize children: moral development of children is pre-conventional and not post-conventional, although on the surface they appear alike – being both non-conventional. (We also clarify what that means for NVC 2.0, if its not as easy like this anymore: pre-conventional=normal/jackal; conventional: NVC language/baby giraffe; post-conventional: normal but with NVC consciousness/giraffe.)

9. The NVC community gets informed and is (informing and) networking more with other movements and ideas (such as Integral theory / Ken Wilber, Theory U / Otto Scharmer, Transparent Communication / Thomas Hübl) who are also interested in communication and global social change.

Thomas Stelling, Alexandra Boos and Markus Sikor